I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize