whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
