Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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