I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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