HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
