I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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