I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
