We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
