evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Randomize
