he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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