i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
