had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
