im about as happy as oj after his trial
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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