Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
