she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
