He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
