You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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