i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
