I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
