So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
