An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
