Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
