in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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