We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Help me help you realize you are a moron
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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