just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
