Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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