Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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