I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
either way he was missing a nipple.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
