His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
