WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
