is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
