Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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