weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
