You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
