all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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