escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
