I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
