you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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