haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
