Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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