is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
