Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
