Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize