To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
