I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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