This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
