just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize