I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
