OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
