My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
