the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
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