Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
