Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
50% drunk capacity currently
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
