I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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