guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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