I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I smell like Dick and happiness
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