I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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