I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
