I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Randomize