Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
