Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
