return my video game
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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