she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
