JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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