i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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