sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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