Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
