That's when you crack a 10am beer
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
