He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
