I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize