mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Nobody cheats on THIS.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
