i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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