new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
