I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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