Plan B is the new Plan A
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
It's shark week go big or go home
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
