I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
