I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
