VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
