I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
