Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
