I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
