The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
