No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize