Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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