the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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