can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
