You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
