She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
