i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
