hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
