WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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