Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
