yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Randomize
