my mouth tastes like poor choices
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
