So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
