shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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