FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
