A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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