im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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