i can't believe i had my finger in that
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
