saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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