yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
