Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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