Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
