oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
