Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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