bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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