So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
