i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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