it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize