i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
