There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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