I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
