just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
