I need help removing her.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
So many bounce houses so little time
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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