Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
